I Just Can’t Make This Stuff Up (part 2)

This is the continuation of the “reality TV show episode” that our eldest son (Son #1)  is living through this summer.

If you have not read the first post, PLEASE BACK UP to part one and start there or this will not make one bit of sense to you.

Do  you remember where we left off?

It’s the second day of our son’s internship. Nervous with the newness of it all, he walked into the office to deliver some necessary paper work. When he reached into his duffel bag, a five foot coiled Boa greeted his hand.

Yes, hand meet large, treacherous snake or something like that.

Now, let’s back up just a minute, since I am sure you have questions.

First. “No, he didn’t feel the snake in his duffel bag.”

Have you ever lifted up my purse? I would never know one was in there either because based on the day, my purse can be a full body builder workout! On any given day, his duffel bag houses books, a laptop, gym clothes and miscellaneous items, like large, deadly snakes (Well, maybe not deadly, but it makes the story better, so go with it.)

When he went to grab his large folder, part of the snake was stuck in between the folder. So as he grabbed it, he yanked it out, and immediately knew something felt wrong. He continued to pull out the folder and with it came the snake. 

Second, sometimes the Lord intervenes in a simply miraculous way. In this situation, it was on behalf of the nice lady who sits at the main desk. Yes, the very desk in which Son #1 was standing in front of when the Boa Constrictor decided to mosey his way out of the duffel bag and onto the floor.

Women have varying tolerance levels for things like large fat snakes by their feet. For my sister in law, she is deathly afraid. So fearful that she freaked out as I told her this story over the phone. She would have had a heart attack if that happened to her in real life. I KID NOT!! She would have passed out. That is her tolerance level.

Divine intervention? The lady who sits at that desk had excused herself and was NOT at her desk when this happened. EMS was not needed. It’s the little things. 🙂

Ok, so now the snake is loose on the floor. Son is understandably shaken up, and frankly stunned. I talked to him tonight to make sure my facts were correct and he said he could barely move for minutes.

Imagine the range of emotions going through you if you were in this situation.

New to a highly sought after internship, he is now responsible for a derelict snake on the prowl. He corrected my last post. It was not the HR department, but the large main area, which meant that now people were aware something was really wrong. He calmed declared, “There’s a snake loose.”

15 – 20 people were now freaking out. Our son wasn’t quite sure what to do and this part cracks me up. He has no recollection of it, which makes it even funnier.

He walks to the analyst’s office right behind him, knocks on the door and states, “I’m really sorry to interrupt you, but there’s a snake loose on the office floor.” Can you even imagine the guy’s reaction?

You need to remember the setting. It’s a highly regarded, very intense, financial institution. Most likely, not the sort of business people that fraternize with Boa Constrictors. No one made a move to get that snake. I’m sure pandemonium broke out and our son knew he was responsible for catching it. Being raised in the country came in handy now. He grabbed the snake, put it in a garbage bag and then into the garbage can.

Celebration erupts. Animal Control is called. Son is safe. Office personnel is safe. Son is now the most talked about person in the office.

We had to chuckle because we reminded him that interns can go the entire summer and not receive the notoriety that he received in ten minutes. By the end of the day, most people in the office came to meet the “Snake Boy.”  The older ladies were all instantaneous mothers; very concerned.

He had arrived, so we encouraged him to wield the new found fame well. 🙂

I hear you asking, “Well, where did the snake come from? Was it a prank by strangers from the sketchy frat house? Had it just gotten lo0se? What’s the chance that out of a 8K square foot mansion it would slither into your son’s duffel bad? (Remember, he is MY son…bedlam).

It took a week to find that answer. Trust me, every day I’d text him, “I just can’t believe that happened to you. That is insane. I can’t even believe it. Did you find out where the snake came from yet?

I also questioned, “Surely, someone got a picture.” (The above pic is just to let you fully visualize it.) I repeated asked, “No one put this up on Instagram? Can you ask around? There has to be a picture.”

“Mom, trust me. NO ONE was thinking of a picture at a time like that. Only you would think of a picture. I was too busy trying not to freak out.”

Back to snake origination. Son #1 had no interaction with people in that sketchy house and he certainly didn’t want to draw attention to the situation, so he said nothing….to anyone in the house…for an entire week. He finally found out that the residents had tried to get the snake owner evicted for months because it was the third time the snake got loose. Finally, that mystery was solved.

Six weeks later, I still shake my head and think, I can’t believe that happened. And here I thought that would be the height of his excitement for one summer.

It was just starting.

Remember the last minute roommate that was placed with him in his closet sized room?  Son #1 wasn’t too worried about it because he was working full time during the day and studying for his online class at night. He was one busy and focused guy.

His roommate slept all day and was “working” all night. It worked well, for a few weeks. They never crossed paths. Son #1 found out his roommate was kicked out of his parent’s house and for this momma, red flags went up. There are very few things bad enough that would make parents kick their son out and my mind started swirling.

The following week, Roommate pulls out pot in front of Son #1. Son was quick to tell Roommate that he would not do that in their room or he’d kick roommate out. End of situation, or so son thought.

While their paths hadn’t crossed much initially, one weekend, he saw Roommate a bit more. A check in our son’s spirit occurred as some highly sketchy individuals showed up to their room for a brief period and then was gone.

Now, I realize that I called the place where he was living sketchy, but that was more in line with dirty, nasty, run down, no air conditioning in 90 degree heat kind of sketchy. These guys take the word to a whole new level. This was a Sunday evening.

On Tuesday night, we were hosting a youth group party and over 60 people were scattered downstairs and outside. I eyed my hubby talking animatedly on the phone and I mouthed, “Who is it?”

“Son #1.”

I continue to watch him as he covers his mouth in shock and now I rush over to his side.

“What’s going on?

He waves me off.

“Nothing. I’ll tell you later. Now isn’t the time.”

LADIES, do our husbands not know us well enough to understand that is NOT an acceptable answer? That just got me more curious.

He starts to laugh at my son’s story, so my momma heart relaxes a bit.

He then cups the receiver and announces, “Guess where Son #1 is sleeping tonight?”

UMM???? HELLO? Sketchy house?

“The guest room of the CEO.”

WHAT???????????? As in gazillion dollar hedge fund office CEO?? How did he get there? What is going on? THE CEO??

OH My LANTA! This mothering of older children takes years off your life, I tell you.

Part 3 of continuing saga of “I JUST CAN’T MAKE THIS STUFF UP,” is up!  

Do any of you remember the Fresh Prince of Bel Air?  🙂

I tried to finish it. I really did, but it’s already too long. 🙂